The Hidden Depths

It's an unsettling fact that by age 11 boys have generally been subjected to pornographic images. Yet few materials on the subject address such a youthful audience. It can be surprisingly difficult for parents to find a good way to discuss pornography. You don't want your child to see sex as "forbidden" or "dirty," but no matter how sex-positive you are, you sense that porn isn't the best way to gain a sex education. Unfortunately, tweens just don’t find “because I said so” persuasive.

We teamed up with two men to create a sensible, science-based audiobook for boys, Things You Didn’t Know About Porn. Why? Because we discovered that men in their twenties had, in some cases, been hooked on porn since they began using it in their teens—and far from enjoying life more, they were desperate to quit. Here’s an actual forum post (from www.reuniting.info) that helped us understand:

Bored? Masturbation. Angry? Masturbation. Sad? Masturbation. Stressed? Masturbation. I went from being the first of my class to the very bottom, until I dropped out for good. I found a Web job, making good money with my porn one click away. This was my life, and I didn't recognize I had an addiction until I had surgery and masturbation wasn't an option for fifteen days. On day three, I was literally shaking, and I began to connect the dots. Other symptoms: irritability, inability to focus ("staring at walls syndrome"), mood swings, headaches (sometimes quite strong), sense of pressure in my genitals, flashbacks, paranoia, self-defeating thinking, depression, hopelessness, and fear that I will never have sex because I've learned no social skills since diving into porn eight years ago as a teen.

We also heard, "No matter how many orgasms I have, I never feel satisfied; I just finally collapse in exhaustion, and start again the next day." "To get off, I need extreme material that I never would have viewed before." "I'm more anxious or depressed, and I have a strong desire to avoid other people."

How could this happen? Isn’t porn just a harmless bit of fun for guys? Maybe not. Here’s some of what we learned:

First, today’s Internet pornography is not like adult magazines of the past. It’s more easily obtained and available in privacy around the clock. It’s free. And it’s always novel. Novelty-on-demand is extremely enticing. Studies reveal that the brain loves it. It’s why slot machines lure gamblers. Each swipe, or click, offers a delicious moment of anticipation: “Just one more!”

Second, today’s Internet porn is much more stimulating. An image of a naked body can evoke a strong reaction, but a video of naked women being raped, or performing acts that shock the viewer, has far more emotional impact than the Playboy of yesteryear. It triggers a greater release of exciting neurochemicals (adrenaline, dopamine) in a primitive part of the brain. Dopamine is the “I gotta have it!” neurochemical. It’s behind all our drives. When we throw it out of whack with too much intense stimulation, it’s also behind all addictions.

Both adrenaline and dopamine swiftly wire intense experiences into the brain. The brain then associates these events with the reward of orgasm, and automatically scans the environment for more such stimulation—even when a user consciously wants to quit. This is how the brain learns, and depending upon where we put our focus, it can learn useful habits or demanding compulsions.

"The addictiveness of Internet pornography is not a metaphor. All addiction involves long-term, sometimes lifelong, neuroplastic change in the brain. ... The same surge of dopamine that thrills us also consolidates the neuronal connections." – Psychiatrist Norman Doidge, author of The Brain That Changes Itself

Why doesn’t more intense stimulation lead to more satisfaction…and less need for porn? Actually, it’s the reverse. The more intense the initial stimulation, the lower the lows afterward, in the brain. A Dutch scientist analyzing brain scans of men ejaculating commented that they looked like scans of people shooting heroin. What goes up must come down. And the lows aren’t just a return to baseline. The more intense the highs, the deeper and more unsettling the lows as the brain recovers. Neurochemistry can fluctuate for days causing mood swings and behavioural changes. This can make it harder to concentrate on schoolwork, or makes one irritable or oversensitive to another’s remarks.

Masturbation is normal, but the more one reaches for superstimulation such as Internet porn, the less responsive the brain grows. Then, a user may need increasing stimulation to achieve the relief of arousal and climax.

What’s a parent to do? Here are a few tips:

1. Encourage questions, and don’t be afraid to share your candid thoughts. Also, accept that kids must make their own experiments. It’s part of approaching adulthood.


2. Avoid shaming kids in connection with sex. Shame increases the addictiveness of sexually explicit material.It makes it even more exciting because it becomes guilt-producing, forbidden, and risky. This lays the groundwork for a subconscious association between sexual arousal and shameful, forbidden or risky activities, which can haunt a child into adulthood.


3. Instead of making porn discussions about “perversion” or “naughtiness,” focus them on overstimulation versus the natural stimulation of discovering masturbation and sex oneself. The risk stems from the neurochemical charge of shocking, unrealistic scenarios dreamed up by film makers who find hooked users profitable.


4. Teach kids how their brains work. Sexual impulses come from a very primitive part of the brain that is focused on making lots of babies. We have another, newer, part of the brain that helps us make sound choices. Be prepared to explain why “more” is not going to lead to “greater satisfaction.”


5. Humans are tribal, pair-bonding primates. Friendly interaction soothes stress. When kids have good skills for connecting with others, the need to console themselves in isolation is less. Help them realize that the compelling rush of Internet porn is not a substitute for learning the social skills we all need for healthy interaction.

Sex Addiction

(First appeared on Health & Wellness website http://www.associatedcontent.com Written by V.C. Higuera)

Various types of sex addictions are prevalent. While some cases are mild, and classified by the constant need for sexual gratification, other cases are so severe that they threaten a person’s relationships with family and friends. Because sex addiction is a hush-hush topic, few understand the gravity of the addiction. Jokingly, some people term themselves as sex addicts. However, an addiction to sex involves more than an enjoyment of sexual relations. In most cases, the addict is so consumed or preoccupied with sex, he or she will go to extreme lengths to fulfill their addiction. Often times, online pornography functions as a tool. Pornography is very addictive. Even though this addiction is common among men, there are a number of women with a constant need for viewing pornography. Regrettably, once an addiction to porn is born, overcoming the problem can be challenging. Even if a person is determined to stop obsessing over pornography, mental images remain imprinted on their brain, which makes the addiction hard to break.

What is Pornography?
Pornography consists of magazines, videos, and websites containing very sexually explicit material. Porn has many forms from soft-core to hardcore. Furthermore, porn addicts can choose from a wide range of sexual material including straight-porn (male and female,) gay porn, couples porn, lesbian porn, and so forth. Curiosity is the root of many porn addictions. Some people stumble upon pornography websites while searching the Internet. Rather than leave the site immediately, they become captivated and curious. Pornography is intended to excite sexual feelings. In turn, viewers pleasure themselves by means of sexual intercourse or masturbation. Even though pornography may sound innocent, the consequences are dangerous.

A few couples incorporate porn into their foreplay routine. In this case, pornography viewing is playful and innocent. Yet, a large number of people are unable to separate porn from their sex life. Upon viewing several porn websites or videos, addicts may want to integrate many of the sexual acts into their sex life. Porn can be degrading and extreme. Hence, one's partner may not be willing to engage in certain sexual acts.Even if there is consent at the time, it may be a cause for discomfort later. When this occurs, problems arise between the couple.

Furthermore, extreme porn viewing may make it impossible for an addict to gain sexual pleasure or satisfaction from sex with his or her partner. Unfortunately, some addicts can only reach sexual excitement by means of pornography.

Signs of Online Porn Addiction
• Desensitized – Previously appalling material loses its shock appeal.
• Daydreams – Porn addicts will create fantasies, in which he or she is acting out a favorite porn scene.
• Secretive – Porn addicts are often ashamed and will hide their addiction
• Preoccupation with sexual pleasure
• No longer attributes sex with love
• Neglects family and personal obligations

Overcoming Online Porn Addiction
Because online porn is readily available on the Internet, stopping the addiction is difficult. Addicts who acknowledge their addiction and are willing to change have a higher success rate. Yet, slip-ups may arise, which causes a setback in their recovery. Several online websites are available to assist with the recovery. Furthermore, sex and pornography addiction counselors and support groups are useful. Until the addiction is controlled, counselors may suggest extreme measures such as removing the computer from the home or canceling the Internet service.

The Internet provides access to virtually anything: shopping, news articles, games, and even pornography. Let's focus on the latter, however. The Internet is a feeding ground for individuals seeking pornography. Because of the vast amount of materials available for porn-addicts, a pornography addiction is frequently developed. A pornography addiction is defined as the obsessive viewing of pornography without regard to negative consequences. A pornography addiction is not technically a disease, according to medical doctors, but rather a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Let's ignore the facts and look at the opposing side. There is an immense amount of dispute as to whether a pornography addiction can even exist! Granted, if it does, does it have any negative side effects? A leading argument against a pornography addiction is that a vast amount of individuals who view pornography are still capable of living a constructive life. However, for a boundless amount of individuals, pornography viewing may morph into an obsession that interferes with the normal routine of daily life. When an individual's life is being run by a pornography obsession, the individual is often referred to as a pornography addict.

It has been suggested that an individual with a pornography addiction often experiences symptoms similar to those involved with substance addictions (drugs and alcohol). For example, the exaltation felt during the taking of drugs as opposed to the psychological and/or physical problems experienced when attempting to break the addiction may only worsen. More times than not, the individuals increase their dosage in an attempt to regain their state of exaltation.

Many mental health professionals specializing in the handling of pornography problems, such as a pornography addiction, suggest a pornography addiction is a reflection of the addicts inability to cope with unpleasant or uncomfortable emotions.

Though pornography is available in other tangible forms such as magazines and video tapes, psychologists who accept the concept of a pornography addiction argue that Internet pornography is more addictive than it's counterparts because of its easy availability. In addition, Internet pornography tends to be more hardcore and the privacy in which viewing pornography online offers only aids the problem. In order to continue the satisfaction of pornography viewing, a pornography addict may continue to search for more hardcore levels of pornography and/or various types of pornography.

Numerous pornography addicts are firm believers that they now have the best of both worlds: the comfort found in their addiction and returning to normal life. Their belief is flawed and definitely mistaken. In fact, a pornography addict has to consciously or subconsciously deal with the limited relationship problem that may stem from a pornography addiction and plainly live with their addiction. Former pornography addicts say they haven't been happier since breaking the addiction for they now may have a loving spouse and no longer have any skeletons in their closet.

However, the first step in overcoming a pornography addiction is to acknowledge a problem exists. It may feel impossible for a pornography addict to feel he/she is capable of ever finding another form of sexual pleasure with another individual as opposed to a magazine, television screen, or a computer screen. However, with specialized counseling the pornography addict will begin to seek a genuine relationship and gradually break the addiction to porn.

What may be the worst aspect of the problem of a pornography addiction is that each time the individual views pornography they gain the illusion that each of his or her sexual compulsions are capable of being fulfilled through fantasy. However, believing sexual redemption can be gained from a heavy amount of pornography viewing is the actual fantasy. Pornography is viewed as the addict's fix. The addiction to this fix may cause the user to become so involved with the pornography that a good relationship is destroyed. A relationship cannot and will not exist when the spending thousands of dollars and hours each day on the pornography is occurring.

To break a pornography addiction, the individual needs to take responsibility and be accountable! Join a 12-step Sexaholics Anonymous group or a support group similar to this. Or even find a dependable friend to report to of your successes. But most importantly, seek a legitimate relationship with a real individual and not a fantasy.

Is internet addiction real? Do you spend too much time online? Could you be addicted to the internet? Do your children complain that all you do is sit on the computer? Do you tend to spend more time on websites than you do with them? Is it time to take action?

Do a Google search for internet addiction and you will get nearly 755,000 search results. Other terms used are: Internet Addiction Disorder, compulsive internet use, web dependency, and pathological internet use. Clearly it is a problem that is being looked into. Compulsive internet use is classified as a mental illness in many countries, but in the U.S. it is not listed in the DSM-IV, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. The DSM-IV, used by counsellors, psychologists, and psychiatrists nationwide, infers that people can basically only be addicted to substances, such as drugs and not actions.

However, there are many cases of people who overuse the net so much that they are neglecting their work obligations and families to spend time online. There have even been cases where people became violent from not being able to log on. The internet can make infidelity, gambling and pornography readily accessible from your own home.

The argument that many would make is that the computer or the internet is not the problem, it is the reason for the person being on so much that is the problem. For example, not being very outgoing and finding it easier to meet people online, the computer is not technically the problem here. The same principle for gambling or shopping, the internet is just the vehicle used for the addiction or the overuse. If there were no computers, these people would find another way to exercise their addiction. Therefore, can you technically be addicted to the internet itself?

It has also been noted that most people that have internet addiction also have preexisting problems such as: depression, anxiety, bi-polar disorder, impulse control disorders, alcohol or tobacco use. It will be interesting to see what further studies in this area shows.

The U.S. Government Doesn't Identify Internet Addiction as a Mental Illness, but Many Countries Do
There are several different types of so called internet addictions, these are: sex, chatting, general surfing, gaming and money. If you think about it, you will notice that the person who spends hours doing online shopping is not the same as the person who is instant messaging, gambling, or playing games for hours. There are so many areas of overuse and they have different effects on the user and the people around them.

The U.S. is just beginning to brace the fact that many people may have a problem on their hands. The NY Times recently ran an article about internet addiction in South Korea. In this country, there are 140 internet addiction counselling centres, treatment programmes at more than 100 hospitals and they even have an Internet Rescue Camp, which is paid by the government. This camp is mainly for teens who were online so much that they began doing things like skipping school. The purpose of this camp is to show teens that real-life interaction is better than online interaction. The country plans to open up more camps because of the high demand. It will be interesting to see what the U.S. does to counteract the problem when and if they recognize it.

If you think you could have a problem, there is a short questionnaire on netaddiction.com that will give you some insight. If nothing else, it's just interesting to see how you scored. If you have a relatively high score then at least you will be aware that you are online way too much. If you are like me, that may be enough to alert you that there is life without the computer!

So if you think that being online is harmless, or you are being productive or if you just see it as something to do (like I did), ask yourself what would the impact be if you spent the amount of time you do on the internet with your children or your spouse. The answer will not be too surprising.

Sources:
http://ww.netaddiction.com/resources/iaindex.htm
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/18/technology/18rehab.html
http://www.aplaceofhope.com/reports_internet.html
http://www.wikipedia.org/WIKI/Internet_addiction

Unexpected Lessons from Porn Users

This article was first published at Psychology Today

Through a fluke of fate, my website has become a hangout for some amazing people, including men determined to wean themselves from porn. Their efforts have taught me more than I ever wanted to know about this subject. A few years ago one wrote,

I am sure that if a study were actually done with honest men, we would see correlation between porn viewing and erectile dysfunction. The porn industry takes advantage of the uninformed public and makes billions. Then the pharmaceutical companies sell us costly sexual enhancement drugs to treat the side effects—and make billions.

Turns out he wasn't an exception.

I've been looking at Internet pornography since I began college 13 years ago. Around age 24, I noticed difficulty getting aroused with real women. Generic Viagra off the Internet allowed me to have real relationships with few problems until the age of 29. Then, it became increasingly difficult to have real sex, even with the pills.

Realizing my problem, I tried several times to give up porn. The longest I lasted without it was 3 weeks. During this time, I could not get aroused thinking about normal sex, so the frustration built. My only escape was to fall back into the only thing that would arouse me: fantasizing about fetishes I developed when watching porn. Then it was back to porn. I need to be cured of this.

As Internet speed has soared, so has masturbation to videos. They are easily accessible, increasingly extreme—and much more stimulating than Playboys of the past. Alas, most experts are not thinking in terms of "degree of stimulation affecting brain chemistry balance/wiring." They're still thinking of all porn as "nothing more than a masturbation aid," and therefore harmless, or even beneficial. Since Internet videos are such a recent trend, it's possible that the standard thinking simply hasn't had time to catch up with the reality of today's porn and its risks.

The porn/potency connection is surprisingly treacherous. Most men's potency isn't affected by porn...until it is. So the problem seems illusory until it catches up with someone—at which point he tends to mistake hotter porn as the cure. More extreme material further desensitizes his brain. At this juncture, most men clutch at any explanation other than porn use for their symptoms, due to their growing dependency.

Often experts assume shame is the cause of such potency problems, but for many men it's likely that brain chemistry desensitization from heavy stimulation is the culprit. Not only have they been using porn quite contentedly for years, but also, if shame were the cause, the problems would likely show up sooner. Many men experience NO problems until years of heavy porn use have passed. Then there is a further decline as their search for more extreme material escalates. (Shame is not always irrelevant, of course. It can make sexual activity more intensely arousing, thus speeding up the desensitization cycle.)

The good news is that erectile dysfunction brought on by heavy porn use is apparently reversible. The painful part is that the sufferer has to surrender his compulsive porn use—a sacrifice that is surprisingly tough.

Here's what men shared:

After years of porn, I was having trouble with erections. It had been getting worse and worse for a couple years. Needed more and more types of porn stimulation, and it still was not helping. I was really worried, but the anxiety just pushed me deeper into porn. Hard to believe, given the progression. I probably used every type of porn image and vid out there except for one: child porn. What scares me is, could I have gone that route, too, one day?

The more I go without porn, masturbation, fantasy and orgasm, the more difficult it becomes to not get an erection. LOL. No ED problems or weak ejaculations like I had just a few months ago. My body has healed. So, if you stay away from porn and masturbation your sexual desire will go up. It will go up in a good way. Giving it up for just this short period of time has been a big step in healing the damage I did to myself. Now the challenge is to find a partner, or a masturbation interval that works.
--
After a 90-day period of abstinence from porn/masturbation, I noticed that I was more sensitive than before; I didn't need any other stimulation to make me horny. Also the semen leakage stopped. Now that I have returned to some masturbation, I notice that I have been the most interested in women (and have ended up in bed with them) during my experiments with low masturbation frequency.
--
While I was consuming porn and beating off, I had severe performance anxiety when it came to actual sex. That is gone. I have no problem. It is nice to get aroused by little things: a revealing blouse, some innocent cleavage, a summer dress, or just a woman's flowing, shiny hair and fragrance, instead of "Cum Gurgling sluts" video clips.
--
I'm glad this porn-ED issue is becoming more recognized. It's gonna help prevent a lot of problems. I've read things about people being able to watch porn occasionally and then still perform with a significant other. However, if they went a long stretch without any type of partner, and watched a lot of porn with masturbation, then they had difficulties—difficulties they didn't previously have.

According to psychiatrist Norman Doidge, a heavy porn user is not unlike

a drug addict who can no longer get high on the images that once turned him on. And the danger is that this tolerance will carry over into relationships, as it did in patients whom I was seeing, leading to potency problems and new, at times unwelcome, tastes. When pornographers boast that they are pushing the envelope by introducing new, harder themes, what they don't say is that they must, because their customers are building up a tolerance to the content. The back pages of men's risque magazines and Internet porn sites are filled with ads for Viagra-type drugs—medicine developed for older men with erectile problems related to aging and blocked blood vessels in the penis. Today young men who surf porn are tremendously fearful of impotence, or "erectile dysfunction" as it is euphemistically called. The misleading term implies that these men have a problem in their penises, but the problem is in their heads. ... It rarely occurs to them that there may be a relationship between the pornography they are consuming and their impotence.

Here's the bit that most men don't know. A period of discomfort or intense horniness during the days of recovery after intense stimulation seems like a sound reason to self-medicate with another porn binge. But doing so actually worsens the problem. If someone climaxes before his brain is back to balance, he's likely to seek out hotter and hotter stimuli. Why? A primitive part of his brain is still temporarily less responsive. This is why regular sex/porn "isn't doing it for him."

Hotter stimuli produce arousal, but further dysregulate dopamine levels in a key part of his brain. As his hangovers and cravings for hotter relief come to dominate his life, the user can forget what equilibrium felt like. Often he experiences uncharacteristic depression and anxiety—which he won't connect with the changes in his brain brought about by heavy porn use. And because the problem is developing in the brain's wiring, Viagra's temporary fix won't halt the deterioration. (It only addresses blood flow to erections.)

As my visitors discovered, the solution seems to be to stop masturbating to porn. In fact, foregoing masturbation entirely for as long as two months speeds the "unwiring" of the acquired association between arousal and extreme, synthetic erotica. This offers a fresh start, sexually speaking (although the brain is likely to remain very sensitive to porn-related cues indefinitely).

This lengthy, often agonizing, "rebooting" process can be scary. Some men fear their libido will vanish completely. This is not the case. As the brain comes back to balance it tends to become more sensitive and responsive, not less. At first, however, some experience a gray period, during which nothing turns them on because their brains are so desensitized.

As the brain is prevented from pursuing porn-acquired associations, it eventually looks around for other sources of pleasure. It rediscovers the ones it evolved to find: friendly interaction, real mates, time in nature, exercise, accomplishment, and so forth. In fact, many men find exercise particularly beneficial. It improves self-image and eases anxiety and depression while the brain is returning to homeostasis.

Obviously, lots of factors can be at work in performance anxiety. Yet as people learn to regulate their sexual responsiveness to real potential partners using changes in their own behavior, they can more confidently address any other issues contributing to performance anxiety.

Straight men, gay porn, and other brain map mysteries

This article was first published at Psychology Today

For most of the last century, neuroscientists were convinced that adult brains were pretty much set. Now, recent neuroscience reveals that our brains are suprisingly plastic throughout our lives. By learning techniques that help us sidestep unwanted wiring, we can even direct the re-wiring process—with seemingly miraculous results.

A key principle in understanding how we wire, or re-wire, our brains is "neurons that fire together wire together." That is, if two things happen at the same time, our brains often associate them by means of actual neural connections. The more intense the associated events, or the more they are repeated, the stronger the wiring. Groups of nerve cells devoted to a behavior or function are sometimes called "brain maps."

Orgasm is a neurochemical blast so delicious that our brains readily wire it (and arousal) to associated events and circumstances. For example, as Norman Doidge explains in The Brain That Changes Itself,

The men at their computers looking at porn were uncannily like the rats in the cages of the NIH, pressing the bar to get a shot of dopamine or its equivalent. Though they didn't know it, they had been seduced into pornographic training sessions that met all the conditions required for plastic change of brain maps. ... Each time they felt sexual excitement and had an orgasm when they masturbated, a "spritz of dopamine," the reward neurotransmitter, consolidated the connections made in the brain during the sessions. [From the chapter "Acquiring Tastes and Loves."]

Clearly, orgasm is such a powerful reinforcer that it can shape brain maps, with implications for where our future attention is directed without our conscious awareness. This suggests that we might want to think ahead before diving into a particular means of sexual arousal.

Aversion can also alter brain maps. Doidge records that the sexual tastes of one of his patients went through phases. (p.95) He was only attracted to Asian sex partners in one phase, and only to African partners in another. In each case, he was sure his happiness depended upon sex with that racial group. Yet eventually he couldn't stomach sex with either. (One wonders where the poor guy's tastes shifted once he exhausted his sexual desire for all five races.)

Paradoxically, too much orgasm may have been behind his aversion. Sexual satiety seems to fuel the Coolidge Effect, that is, the tendency of mammals to tire of mates with which they have exhausted their sexual desire, so they find novel mates alluring.

Along the same lines, heavy porn users sometimes notice that as tolerance builds for their earlier tastes, they move in new directions in their search for intense arousal. Instead of seeking porn that accords with their former brain maps, many seek out what shocks them—perhaps because "forbidden" and "fear-producing," when combined with sexual arousal, offer a bigger brain chemical kick...at least for a time. Each shift wires the new tastes into the brain.

Doidge also points out that some users' porn choices, such as spanking or domination scenarios, may be related to subconscious, that is, implicit, childhood memories of which they are unaware. Once activated by the "right" porn, and reinforced with orgasm, such scenarios can more swiftly become compulsions.

Completely unanticipated sexual tastes can arise. More than one poor guy who has been straight all his life, and who honestly believes he is still straight, has arrived at the reuniting.info website shaken by the fact that gay porn is suddenly compelling. Is this just latent homosexuality? Maybe not, because the dial doesn't necessarily stop at gay porn. One man went from straight porn, to gay porn, to porn themes of heterosexual domination and sexual hypnosis. Others are traumatized to find themselves moving from fantasizing to acting out porn scenarios, as the buzz from mere video flags.

Does hypersexuality play a role in these changes? Consider the various instances of alterations in sexual tastes  (from heterosexual to homosexual) in patients given dopamine agonist drugs  for Parkinson's and restless legs. In some, the high-dopamine drugs, or perhaps the drug-induced hypersexuality, caused uncharacteristic sexual tastes—until their medication was adjusted.

Pursuit of frequent orgasm with the help of today's extreme Internet porn may produce a similar effect (surges of dopamine that drive fetish formation). When questioned about the alleged permanence of childhood sexual brain maps, one twenty-year porn veteran said candidly:

I just do not think any tastes are permanent—or that what I would desire would stay the same. I mean with the different phases I went through in the porn addiction, things changed a lot. What are my core attractions? I do not even know anymore. I think I will discover them after I have been out of the porn part of this addiction for a long time.

He may be right. A period of abstinence from orgasm seems to be yet another technique that alters people's sexual brain maps (or reveals more deep-seated maps). Said a straight guy who was exclusively watching gay porn and confused about it:

I made it just 10 days this time without masturbating, but I'm confident my tastes are shifting back. My attraction to women was amped up a lot. I actually got butterflies and spontaneous arousal while looking at a woman for the first time in 2 years! I also had a kind of revelation. Have my tastes have been manipulated by constant reinforcement and conditioning via masturbating to particular sexual fantasies?

His experience paralleled this woman's, which she recounted after she began to experiment with karezza lovemaking. As an adult, she discovered that the torture fantasies that ran in her head whenever she was trying to climax were the product of some insignificant (but apparently both painful and arousing) genital snipping her pediatrician did when she was a baby. Discovering the source of this brain map did not un-wire the association. In fact, she said she never became aroused or climaxed without heart-closing, torture movies running in her head. To her amazement, when she began experimenting with making love without orgasm as the goal the fantasies swiftly receded, never to return.

After reading Doidge's book, I suspect that these individuals saw changes because they reversed the "neurons that fire together wire together" rule. That is, they removed pusuit of orgasm for a time—with its unwanted, but tightly wired, associations. This somehow allowed their brains to shed, or begin to shed, artifically acquired associations.

Psychiatrist Jeffrey Schwartz uses a version of this technique with great success to help OCD (obsessive-compulsive) patients modify the brain wiring that causes unwanted associations to trigger "required" actions. Each time an unwanted impulse arises, the patient turns his attention to some other, pre-chosen, constructive activity. Gradually, "neurons that fire apart, wire apart." That is, nerve cell connections weaken as activity in the key synapses declines.

What all this means, and for whom, remains to be seen. For example, would it be possible to use this technique to re-wire sexual maps acquired in childhood through misfortune? Doidge describes a study done on a BDSM community (bondage and sadomasochism). It revealed that all the masochists had undergone painful medical procedures during childhood. Could these adults find out what their sexual tastes would have been in the absence of such experiences? And what of unwanted associations acquired due to child sexual abuse? Would a period of sex without orgasm (to the unwanted stimuli) allow a brain to reboot and then align with its earlier wiring?

Orgasm is so enticing that our brains automatically take the fastest path to it, just like taking the most direct route across a field of grass. If we never allow the grass to grow back, we keep walking the path of least resistance even if it formed purely as a quirk of fate.

The possibility that humans may be able to free their sexual brain maps from unwanted debris is fascinating. At the same time, it's sobering to consider how many people may inadvertently be altering their plastic brains with semi-permanent junk they really don't want—with the help of today's cornucopia of intensely arousing Internet porn.

Those Little Blue Pills

This article was first published at the Huffington Post

Before you reach for those little blue pills, try cutting out porn. Your lover will thank you.

Through a fluke of fate, I have been learning more than I ever wanted to know about the subject of porn use... and recovery. A few years ago a guy wrote,

I am sure that if a study were actually done with honest men, we would see correlation between porn viewing and erectile dysfunction. The porn industry takes advantage of the uninformed public and makes billions. Then the pharmaceutical companies sell us costly sexual enhancement drugs to treat the side effects.

He wasn't an exception.

I've been looking at Internet pornography since I began college 13 years ago. Around age 24, I noticed difficulty getting aroused with real women. Generic Viagra allowed me to have real relationships with few problems until the age of 29. Then, it became increasingly difficult to have real sex, even with the pills.

Realizing my problem, I tried several times to give up porn. The longest I lasted was 3 weeks. During this time, I could not get aroused thinking about normal sex, so the frustration built. I fell back into the only thing that would arouse me: fantasizing about fetishes I developed watching porn. Then it was back to porn. I need to be cured of this.

My boyfriend says he's unable to perform sexually due to his porn use. I love him so much but feel absolutely devastated that he felt he had to turn to porn. I always thought we had such a great sex life. I am 26 years old and consider myself to be quite attractive, but I now feel like sh*t. I have no confidence or self-esteem left.

The porn/potency connection is surprisingly treacherous. Most men's potency isn't affected by porn...until it is. So the problem seems absurd until it catches up with someone -- at which point he mistakes hotter porn as the obvious cure. More extreme material further desensitizes his brain. Due to his growing dependency, he generally clutches at any other explanation for his symptoms.

As Internet speed has soared, so has masturbation to videos. They are easily accessible, increasingly extreme -- and much more stimulating than yesteryear's Playboy. They also have more troublesome effects on brain chemistry balance and brain wiring. According to psychiatrist Norman Doidge, a heavy porn user is not unlike:

a drug addict who can no longer get high on the images that once turned him on. And the danger is that this tolerance [desensitization] will carry over into relationships, as it did in patients whom I was seeing, leading to potency problems and new, at times unwelcome, tastes. When pornographers boast that they are pushing the envelope by introducing new, harder themes, what they don't say is that they must, because their customers are building up a tolerance to the content. The back pages of men's risque magazines and Internet porn sites are filled with ads for Viagra-type drugs -- medicine developed for older men with erectile problems related to aging and blocked blood vessels in the penis. Today young men who surf porn are tremendously fearful of impotence, or "erectile dysfunction" as it is euphemistically called. The misleading term implies that these men have a problem in their penises.

The good news is that erectile dysfunction brought on by heavy porn use is reversible. The painful part is that the sufferer has to surrender his compulsive porn use -- a move that is surprisingly tough.

I used porn for 20 years. As Internet speed picked up, I started having trouble with erections. It got worse and worse. Needed more and more types of porn stimulation. I was really worried, but the anxiety just pushed me deeper into porn. I probably used every type of porn image and vid out there except for one: child porn. What scares me is, could I have gone that route, too, one day?

The more I go without porn, masturbation, fantasy and orgasm, the more difficult it becomes to not get an erection... No ED problems or weak ejaculations like I had just a few months ago. My body has healed. So, if you stay away from porn and masturbation your sexual desire will go up. It will go up in a good way. Giving it up for just this short period of time has been a big step in healing the damage I did to myself. But it wasn't easy.

After a 90-day period of abstinence from porn/masturbation, I noticed that I was more sensitive than before; I didn't need any other stimulation to make me horny. Also the semen leakage stopped. Now that I have returned to some masturbation, I notice that I have been the most interested in women (and have ended up in bed with them) during my experiments with low masturbation frequency.

While I was consuming porn and beating off, I had severe performance anxiety when it came to actual sex. That is gone. I have no problem. It is nice to get aroused by little things: a revealing blouse, some innocent cleavage, a summer dress, or just a woman's flowing, shiny hair and fragrance, instead of "Cum Gurgling sluts" video clips.

I'm glad this porn-ED issue is becoming more recognized. It's gonna help prevent a lot of problems. I've read things about people being able watch porn occasionally and then still perform with a significant other. However, if they went a long stretch without partner sex, and watched a lot of porn, then they had difficulties--difficulties they didn't previously have.

I have now gone almost 4 weeks without porn, masturbating maybe twice. I feel a lot more responsive as far as sex drive, and I know it can get even better. I'm happy cause I'm getting used to living without porn, and starting to appreciate everyday women more.

A period of discomfort or extreme horniness during the days of recovery after intense stimulation seems like a sound reason to self-medicate with another porn binge. But doing so actually worsens the problem. If someone climaxes before his brain is back to balance, he's likely to seek out hotter and hotter stimuli. Why? A primitive part of his brain is still temporarily less responsive. This is why regular sex/porn "isn't doing it for him." Surfing hotter stimuli can force arousal, but will further de-regulate dopamine levels in a key part of his brain. He may also experience uncharacteristic depression and anxiety -- which he won't connect with the changes in his brain brought about by heavy porn use.

I think this is the problem with my boyfriend. He's only 28 and his sex drive is not there. It's very embarrassing for me...like I'm not attractive...and I know he will be defensive about this subject. How do I work through this

My visitors discovered that the cure is to stop masturbating to porn. In fact, to unwire the brain's acquired association between arousal and extreme, synthetic erotica, it's useful to forgo masturbation for about two months. This offers a fresh start, sexually speaking (although the brain is likely to remain very sensitive to porn-related cues indefinitely). Without that fresh start, it's hard to avoid a discouraging relapse loop.

I've noticed that when I do succeed in avoiding porn for a week or two (still masturbating), I don't have any problems with erections. Whereas if I look at porn, I can't get it up without it. Trouble is, each time I get better I believe I'm cured, and go back to daily porn/masturbation. I wish I could stay away from it permanently.

A lengthy, often agonizing, "rebooting" process can be scary at first. Some users experience a gray period, during which nothing turns them on. (Their brains are desensitized). They may fear their libido will vanish completely without porn. The opposite is true. A balanced brain tends to become more sensitive and responsive, not less.

As the brain is prevented from activating the familiar "porn loop," it eventually looks around for other sources of pleasure. It rediscovers the ones it evolved to find: friendly interaction, real mates, time in nature, exercise, accomplishment, and so forth. In fact, many men find exercise particularly beneficial. It improves self-image and eases anxiety and depression while the brain is returning to homeostasis.

Lots of factors can be at work in sexual performance issues. Yet as men take charge of their libido and restore their sexual responsiveness to real partners, they can more confidently address any other issues contributing to performance anxiety.

Note to women: Remember had you been male, you, too, would probably be swept up in today's porn tsunami. Model some compassion as your mate recognizes what's going on in his brain and rewires. Meanwhile, don't take his sluggish responsiveness personally. It has absolutely nothing to do with your attractiveness.